


Falcon Wings

by guillotinedangel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action, Age Difference, And have patience, Angst, Because Jericho loves Eren too much, Because this is going to be long as hell, But you are going to have to read to find out, Death, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falcon Division, Fanfic, I'm going to try and follow canon, Jericho would kill Levi for Eren, Jericho would kill for Eren, Levi would kill for Jericho, Love, OC, Romance, She actually almost did, Violence, falcon - Freeform, prepare to die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-06-17 17:58:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15466896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guillotinedangel/pseuds/guillotinedangel
Summary: Jericho Jaeger is the older daughter of Grisha and Carla Jaeger, and also one of the 10th team leaders of the Scouts Regiment.The day Shiganshina fell, she was there, watching it all, feeling it all. She saw her mom die devoured by a titan, she saw Eren's tears, anger and fear.With pain in her heart and after making sure Eren was safe, Jericho took the lead of the Garrison Regiment soldiers to defeat and keep the titans at bay until the Armored Titan showed up.For her great job, she was promoted to Senior Team leader, only under the orders of the new Regiment Commander, Erwin Smith, and his four Squad Commanders: Hange Zoë, Mike Zacharias, Dieter Ness and Levi Ackerman.“What’s wrong with Captain Levi?”“He looks like he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anybody besides his own team, that’s it."And she couldn't be more wrong.





	1. To you, in 2000 years. The fall of Shiganshina, part 1.1

**Author's Note:**

> If you are reading this is because my story called your attention enough to click on it and open it! For that, I thank you.
> 
> I have to warn you that English is not my mother tongue, so you may find some drafting mistakes I'd like to apologize for.  
> Now go, and find out about Jericho's story, and if you like it leave a kudo and/or a comment.
> 
> Good reading.

I had never felt that way before. I had never wanted to cross those walls back in, back to the people, back to that safety they preached.

When I was a little girl, in school, they taught us about the walls, about what they meant and why they were made in the first place. They also told us about the titans, those monsters whose only goal in life was eat people. I never truly swallowed in their stupid nonsense about the shelter of the walls. All my classmates did though. They couldn’t be more thankful for the protection, for being able to live inside those rat labyrinths, and thanks to that bullshit, they never cared at all about knowing what was beyond the cold gray stone.

I did, and that’s why everybody looked at me like if I was crazy, but they were the real fools. None of them seemed to notice, but I did. The air, it was weird. Of course, I had never breathed any other kind, in any other place outside of Shiganshina, but it didn’t matter. You could feel something was off. It was heavy, like when you stay for too long in a closed crowded room, and there were days, especially the sunny and hot ones, when it was hard to breathe.

I guess that’s when I decided I wanted to go outside. See for myself if there were other places where the air was not tainted, and the only way, according to out teacher, was joining the military and then enroll in the Scout Regiment. The Wings of Freedom.

They were the only ones allowed to go outside, but I remember out teacher didn’t like to talk about them. For the Military Police Regiment, she was all nice words and heart shaped eyes, the Garrison Regiment she didn’t even remember further than telling us their symbol; but I would rather listen to that than hear the contempt on her voice every time she had to talk about the scouts. Back then I didn’t get to know why, today my common sense tells me that she may had lost someone dear in one of those missions. Maybe she was trying to crush the dreams of people like me, so we would get to live a happy, very normal, long life inside the walls instead of dying out there crushed and devoured alive by a titan. I can’t say I blame her.

And then the day came. I was twelve and I went up to my parents and told them I wanted to join the military. They didn’t seem worried at first, but my mom’s eyes went dark when I told them I wanted to join the Scout Regiment, go out there and experience freedom. My dad, on the other hand, seemed a little bit happier, still, his smile was bittersweet. Eren, my little brother, was four at the time, so he doesn’t really remember his sister leaving to enroll in the cadet corps.

And now that I am eighteen, now that I’ve been outside I can tell. The air indeed is heavier inside the walls, more dirty and dusty. Sometimes smells like trash and overcrowding, and in those very hot days, when the wind doesn’t blow, the sultriness suffocates you, like a tight hand around your neck. Nothing to do with the fresh plains, and the cool wind, the trees rustling and the smell of nature outside.

Nevertheless, that day back in 845, I was longing for the feeling of that hand around my neck, for the smell of dirt.

It was the first day I saw more than half of my team die, and when we joined the rest of the regiment, we were barely a third. I was scared, I feared for my life. I thought I would never see my mom, my dad, Eren, never again… So, when I crossed those walls I inhaled as deep as I was able to, the disgusting smell of the city, and I smiled. Smiled because for the first time, it felt like Wall Maria was actually protecting me.

In spite of that, my joy for coming back left my body as quickly as it came. A lot of people was waiting for us, and they stared at us, wounded, decimated, crestfallen and heartbroken, as we rode by their side. A woman jumped in front of my horse, crying, looking for his son. Moses. My heart twitched and I felt a painful emptiness inside my chest at the sight of that woman’s watery eyes.

Moses. I knew him. He was in the same squad as I was, but in the seventh team, under Section Commander Dieter Ness’ orders.

I tried to speak, but I wasn’t able, and suddenly, Commander Shadis appeared by my side, with a white blanket soaked in blood, and gave it to the woman. As she unfolded it, she saw, horrified the only remains of his son: a severed and bruised arm. She started crying, and embracing his son’s remains, she fell to the floor, devastated.  
Moses was young and strong, a good man, brave and always ready for the fight. But even the more skilled soldiers could have a day of back luck. In our regiment, one of those could mean death.

And then I saw him, the man I respected the most, our Commander, kneeling in front of the poor lady.

“He did good, yes? He was brave. Tell me my son stood his ground to the bitter end. That his death meant something! Tell me his sacrifice gave us a better chance!”

Suddenly the street fell dead silent, waiting for the Commander’s reply. I could sense the tension, how much they wanted him to tell them that we had achieved a victory. But those were mere lies.

“He was brave!” Shadis said all of the sudden, his voice reaching every corner probably in the whole district, “But… His sacrifice meant nothing. So, with our all loses, it’s ever the same. The day was lost! We have nothing! Your son died because of me! I sent him to his death, I sent all of them to their deaths and there’s nothing to show for it, all of it to master nothing!”

I tightened my hands around the reins. It was true, we had lost a lot of people. I, as head of the sixth team, knew it perfectly, as half of my men had been devoured by those beasts.

Other missions had been failures but, this one? The biggest of them all, without a doubt.

And then my heart skipped a beat and my eyes wondered the crowd, hopping my little brother hadn’t been there today but, as usual, I quickly found his big green eyes, staring horrified at Shadis. The sight of Eren’s expression almost burned my soul to ashes and I felt like crying, but suddenly he looked at me and I managed to twist my lips into a smile and raise a couple fingers discretely to salute him. Seeing I was okay, his face seemed to enlighten, and he waved at me before Mikasa, the girl that had been living with my parents since she was nine years old and that we treated as if she was our own blood, called his attention. They were carrying wood for the fire, so probably mom was waiting for them.

In front of me, my companions started to move again. I waved to my brother and smiled at him again and then baited my horse for it to continue his march, losing my bother’s sight between the crowd.

* * *

 

“Mom, dad, I’m home!”

It felt good announcing myself from the door of our small house. I felt good to be back home, surrounded by the people I loved the most, but it even felt better to see the relieved look on their faces upon seeing I was okay.

“Jericho!” my mom stopped chopping the vegetables and crossed the small room with tears in her eyes to embrace me in a tight hug. Yeah, maybe inside the walls it smelled funny, but my mom’s scent had something pure, calming, so I buried my nose deep into her neck trying to fight back the tears, as I did when I was a kid and something frightened me.  
“Hey mom,” I greeted her, breaking our hug after a while, “I’m sorry for showing without prior notice.”

“Sweetheart” my dad was standing by my side, waiting for his turn to hug me and he did, leaving afterwards a kiss on my forehead, “did they gave you a permission?”

“No, well, kind of. Commander Shadis…”

“JJ!”

The words died in my throat as Eren showed at the door, with a bright smile greeting my eyes.

"Eren!" I knelt a bit and my little brother jumped into my arms, "Hey mousy, did you behave while I was gone?"

I kissed his cheek and Eren pushed me away and, with his hands still on my shoulder, he nodded energetically.

"Mm is that true, Mikasa?" I asked looking at the dark-haired girl standing behind Eren. She loved me, I knew, but she never showed me affection unless I demanded it. I guess she didn't want me to feel uncomfortable, which she didn't, "I bet he got into a fight lately, am I wrong? Come here."

I waved at her to come closer and she did, so I hugged her with my left arm while I held Eren's waist with my right.

"You know him" she said in a low tone.

"Eren..."

"There was this man talking shit about the Scouts earlier..."

"Eren, watch your mouth!" Mom scolded him.

"You punched a grown up? Eren..." I sighed.

"He was saying bad things about your Regiment!"

I smirked and nodded, amused. My little mousy would never change. I couldn't say I wasn't proud of him for kicking that jerk's ass, but at the same time I felt so sad that he had to hear the real opinion people had of us: that we were useless, a waste of human, material and economic resources.

My dad must have seen the shame starting to cloud my eyes, because he immediately changed the subject.

"So, you're staying for lunch?"

"I am. I would've came directly as I arrived, but I needed a shower and a change of clothes first" I said signaling my civilian clothes: a white shirt like the ones I used with my uniform, with a couple buttons opened, black trousers and black boots. My mom had never approved my dislike for skirts, buy they felt uncomfortable, always getting wrapped around my legs. I also wore my sleeves rolled up and two black leather strips around my wrists and other around my neck. She said I looked like a boy fresh out of prison or something, but I think I would die with anxiety if I had to wear my wrists and neck bare.

"I see" was all she said before going back to chop vegetables. Eren and dad smiled, knowing how much my style bothered her.

It was nice to enjoy a meal surrounded by my family for a change. It was nice to hear Eren laugh and see my mom's smile. It had been a while because, as team leader, my presence back at the headquarters was pretty much indispensable. Normal soldiers had their permissions, but officers? We were lucky if we could make a couple hours long run to our homes every now and then.

“I’m sorry to ruin this beautiful family reunion” dad said when we were finished eating. He stood up and grabbed his case from behind the door “I have some check ups to do in the interior”

“Oh” was all I managed to articulate. I couldn’t say I wasn’t disappointed. I was really looking forward to spend some family time, but with my father being a doctor that rarely happened. Disease can’t wait, “It’s okay”

I stood up to say goodbye but suddenly Mikasa interrupted me halfway a hug.

“Eren says he wants to join the Scout Regiment”

My whole body froze to those words and my eyes went wide open as they stared, unbelievers and terrified, at my little brother. The light of my life. A soft no slipped between my lips, but nobody seemed to hear it as my mum’s screams muffled my voice.

“Eren! What are you thinking?”

“Mikasa! I told you not to say anything!”

“Do you have any idea of how many people have died outside the walls!? Why do you want to go out there!?”

“I know mom, but I want to know how the outside looks like! I don’t want to live my entire life in ignorance inside the walls!”

“Jericho! Please talk to your brother!” my mom asked, turning her face towards me, but I was still in shock.

Eren.

In the Scout Regiment.

No.

The images of that morning’s massacre came back rushing to my mind, the desperation, the screams, the smell of blood and human flesh being torn apart. I didn’t want my brother to see than, let alone to feel the fear I felt that morning.

“Mom is right, Eren. People dies out there and there’s no glory on it. It’s painful, agonic, even to watch”

And those words made me feel like when I was a kid, like when my teacher tried to talk me out of my stupid and suicidal dream; and I felt like a complete failure. A fake. A hypocrite.

“But! If no one is willing to take their places all those who have died would’ve lost their lives for nothing!”

It hit me like a truck. Eren, at his ten years old had spoken the truth everybody feared to talk about back at the headquarters: the lack of soldiers.

“My boat is about to leave. I should get going” dad stated out of nowhere and he started heading for the door.

“Hold on dear! Talk some sense into Eren!”

“Carla, we’ve already been through this once, and there it is, your older daughter, fresh out of a mission. Words cannot hold back human curiosity”

I bowed my head and sat down back in my chair. Was I the reason why my brother wanted to go out and risk his life?

“You behave, okay Eren?” dad said and then he reached for the key he always wore around his neck, “and when I get back, I’ll show you what I’ve been working on in the basement”

Eren’s eyes shone brightly. Dad’s basement had been always a forbidden place since I could remember, and, as my brother promised effusively to be good, I felt it. Like a shiver, a pulse of fear; my gut telling me that my dad may not make it back home safe.

“Just forget it” mom said to Eren once we waved dad goodbye, “Joining the Scout Regiment is a stupid idea”

“Stupid? How do you say that in front of Jericho!? She is at least doing something useful for humanity! People who live like livestock are the stupid ones!”

“Eren…” I tried to reach out for him, but even before the words came out of my mouth, my brother started to run down the street and disappeared behind an alley’s corner.  
“Eren!” my mom called him, and then she sighed “He is always getting himself in trouble”

“I’ll go get him” Mikasa said, but before she could leave, mom grabbed her by her shoulders and looked her in the eyes.

“Promise me you’ll be there for one another if you need to”

Mikasa nodded and then left, leaving mom and me alone. Such family quality time I was having.

“What do you thing about this?” she wondered, turning around to face me.

“It’s crazy. I’ve been out there… I’ve seen those things. I don’t want my brother in the field, wandering those plains”

Mom sighed again before entering the house.

“At least somebody in this family is on the ball”

I followed her in and sat down back on my chair, with my fingers interlocked and my sight fixed on a point. It was a nightmare only to think about the image of Eren dressed in the Scouts uniform.

“You okay sweetie?”

“It’s just… Eren is right” mom raised her eyebrows in disbelief but I quickly corrected myself “Not about the whole joining the Scout Regiment thing, but we are indeed short on soldiers. So many have died lately I… I’ve lost more than half of my team, so has Triss… And we are supposed to be the fastest! We are called the Falcon Division for something, dammit!”

“That’s why you’re here isn’t it?”

Mom stopped doing her chores and sat beside me. I nodded slowly.

“We have been dismissed. Unless there’s an emergency, the Scouts Regiment won’t go out, we can’t, we don’t have enough men”

“It would be too selfish if I said I’m glad?”

“Maybe, I don’t know… I think Commander Shadis’ days are counted” I growled “I shouldn’t be saying this stuff, but I don’t think his strategies work at all”

“It’s okay to have an opinion sweetie” mom said holding my hand to comfort me.

“No, it’s not when it’s against your Commander’s orders” I sighed again, but the pressure in my chest won’t go away, “What are we gonna do about Eren? I can’t let him enroll. The eyes of the Scouts are set on the cadets, they drool for them like dogs for a bone”

“Can’t you talk to somebody? Ask one of your superiors for help”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“I guess. Not to the Commander though, but maybe Erwin, Hange, Ness, Mike… Hell, I could even talk to Captain Levi if I’m desperate enough” I said twisting my lips. Levi wasn’t my favorite officer, but he was an amazing soldier, the best of us all. The best of humanity.

“What’s wrong with Captain Levi?”

“He looks like he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anybody besides his own team, that’s it. Anyway, maybe…”

And that’s when earth started to shake and a shining as bright as lightning and as clear as sunset entered the windows. I fell to the floor, my chair above me, and so did my mom.  
“What’s going on!?” she shouted.

“Wait, I’ll check it out!”

I stood up, still a bit shaken by the shock and the fear and stepped out of the house. And then, I froze.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. My whole body shook in terror, my heart almost stopped beating and I lost all perception of reality around me, except for that giant reddish muscle mass that peaked above Wall Maria.  
A titan.


	2. To you, in 2000 years: The fall of Shiganshina, part 1.2

It took me a while to react, and if my mom hadn't shown up at the door behind me I would probably had stayed there forever.

"Jericho what--" but the words died on her throat to the sight of that human eating monster peeking over the wall "Is that...how?"

"We have to get out of here" I whispered to myself and then I realized: Eren, Mikasa they hadn't come back yet.

"Mom" I turned around and I grabbed her by her forearms. I had to call her attention again to make her move her eyes from the colossal titan in front of us, "Listen, I am going to go get Eren, you wait here, okay?"

She just nodded, I kissed her cheek and turned around, but before I could take a step, she called my name.

"Please, be careful"

I squeezed her hand and smiled to calm her down, just as I had done that morning with Eren, even though I was on the verge of tears myself.

"I'll come back for you. I'll bring Eren and Mikasa, just stay safe, I love you!"

I let go of her grip and jumped down the stairs, running towards the place I saw Eren disappear earlier. It felt weird to run across the streets that day, being the only one in movement. People were crowding the streets, standing there like hypnotized, looking at the titan, silence filling the air being just broken by some child’s cry.

“Have you seen Eren?” I asked quickly to our baker, that was standing, as petrified as the rest, in the door of his shop with his wife and two daughters by his side. It took me a couple seconds of insisting for him to finally look at me.

“He was heading to the channel’s docks with Armin and Mikasa”

“Thank you” I gave a quick look to the two girls that were hiding behind their mom’s skirts. The older of them had the little one wrapped with her tiny arms, “You should get your family to safety right away. You are too close to the wall”

He nodded and, as I started running again, I was able to see how he was the only one besides me actually making a move for their lives.

I clenched my teeth and growled. Fools. Weren’t they scared? I get that they had never seen a titan before, but wasn’t the fact that one of them was able to look over the wall frightening enough? Did they really have so much faith in their stupid wall?

Next corner I turned I had to stop for a second. My legs were starting to hurt so bad. That wasn’t supposed to happen, I was a soldier, but the tension that my body was holding back in that moment was making all of me rigid, so each step was a fight against myself to move. In that moment I missed my gear, it would be way faster to find Eren, on the ground I was feeling so slow. Also, I missed Taka, my falcon. She would be able to lead me to my brother and give me air vision.

As I started running again, it happened. A loud sound, like nothing I had ever heard before, and I was barely able to react to it because almost at the same time a blast spread all over the district, coming in my direction, demolishing houses and throwing people through the air like if they were mere blades of grass. I was lucky I was already far enough from the source, but I was thrown across the street anyway.

I landed on the hard ground with a thud, letting out a loud grasp and, as I tried to stand up, I started to cough. That had been a bad hit to the ribs, but none of them seemed broken, lucky me. I snarled between my teeth and turned to see what had happened, even though I already had my suspicions.

And then, havoc broke.

The people that had been crowding the streets, paralyzed, started to scream and run terrified in my direction. I could hear agonizing cries, desperate shouting and then the smell of blood and dust filled my nostrils. It all sent shivers down my spine, it was a feeling I knew too well, a familiar scenario: a battlefield.

And then the sound of steps reverberated between the collapsed buildings and my eyes caught a glimpse of the first of them, the titans, average ones, entering Shiganshina though an immense hole that had been opened in the place where the door of Wall Maria used to be.

"This can't be happening... No... I... This is a nightmare"

My body was shivering and all I could do was crawling back from the scared mob until my back found a wall. I stayed there for a while, embracing my legs with my arms like a little kid, overwhelmed by all that was happening, seeing from the distance how the first titans started to devour the dead and the lingerers.

I felt ashamed of myself. How could I be acting like that? Why wouldn't my body obey me? Why was I so scared? I was supposed to be a Scout Regiment's soldier, team leader nonetheless. I was supposed to face titans with a cold mind and a calm heart. Why wasn't I acting as it was expected from me?

I clenched my fists and I slowly started to stand up, leaning on the wall behind me for support. I had to find Eren now.

It was difficult to walk among the crowd, but I finally managed to catch a glimpse of two kids that were running on the opposite direction the others did. My brother and Mikasa.

"Eren!" I called him. I had to push a person to manage to grab his sleeve before he outran me. He turned around, bothered by whoever was slowing him down, his fist raised but upon seeing it was me, his face relaxed and he jumped into my arms.

"Jericho!"

"It's okay mousy, I got you"

I squeezed him between my arms, kissed him all over his forehead and cheeks; he was fine and alive.

"Where's mom?" He asked with tears in his eyes, and my heart stopped. I wasn't stupid. That blast had swapped half of the district nearby the wall, where our house was.

"Eren... The blast destroyed all the houses... I--"

"We have to go back!"

"Eren stop" Mikasa said, with a voice tone more proper of a grown up than a kid's.

"I'll go, you have to get to safety, okay? You hear me?"

"No!"

Somehow, he shook me off and managed to run away from me towards our house, towards the titans.

"Eren, no! Come back!" I shouted, but he couldn't or didn't want to hear me. I jumped on my feet and ran after him as fast as I could, but he was shorter and able to avoid people better than me, until there were no more people on the street, just death. Rocks, collapsed buildings that had crushed bodies under the debris, blood puddles on the cobblestone, some lingerers trying to save already dead people, crying over corpses.

I speeded my pace, trying to ignore it all. When outside the walls, most of the times you didn't even have time to react to someone's death. A moment of doubt could mean your own perish, but seeing it inside the walls, almost happening slow motion, not being able to do anything...

Now that we were on a deserted zone, the screams of the ones left behind when devoured sounded clear as a bell and closer than I would have liked.

When I turned our street's corner I almost crashed on Eren. He was standing still, looking startled at our collapsed home.

My eyes went wide open: I was right there a few minutes ago, everything was okay and now...

"Mom!" Eren shouted as he run towards the wreckage. I didn't try to stop him this time and followed him, wishing our mother had managed to put herself to safety. But she didn't "Mom!"

"Eren!"

She was there yeah, still alive too; but the house had collapsed over her. Her face was pale and sweaty, her eyes losing their shining and what was worse: the ferrous smell of blood was everywhere.

A huge hole opened on my chest. It was my fault, I told her to stay put, I promised that I would come back.

"Help me with this pillar! We have to move it!"

I gazed down at my little brother as he tried to grab the huge wood piece's end with his little hands. He pulled, struggled, fought, but it didn't move an inch and he only managed to hurt his hands.

"Eren stop" I said, grabbing him by his shoulder, but he shrugged me off and faced me with tears in his eyes.

"No! We have to help her! Give me a hand, Jericho, Mikasa, we have to take her with us!"

"The titans have gotten inside, haven't they?" Mom asked me. Her voice sounded low and weak. She was fading, her strength slowly abandoning her body.

"Yeah" was all I managed to say.

"Then take them, take Mikasa and Eren and run away! Now! The debris has crushed my legs, I can't move, I can't walk, please!"

I was ashamed of myself. There was my little brother, a ten-year-old summer child, fighting, acting, and I, a trained soldier with eighteen years old, three years of experience outside, was paralyzed with fear. I couldn't even help my mother.

"Mom, I'll carry you..."

"Can't you do what I ask you one last time!?"

"Eren, that's enough!" I grabbed him by his arm and pulled him back, more violently than I intended to, "We are leaving, I am not allowing you to die here! You won't be devoured under my watch!"

As I said that one big step shook the ground beneath our feet and a huge titan, around 14-15m tall, wearing a creepy smile, showed a few houses away, coming straight for us.  
I had seen a lot of titans in my life. I had killed a lot of them too, but none of them made me feel as small and terrified as that one, not even the first time I saw one.

"Hannes!"

Lost as I was, I didn't even saw the Garrison Regiment's soldier arrive. Hannes was an old friend of the family, a good man. Dad had saved his wife back on the days of the plague and he still felt like he owed us some kind of debt. He was also the reason why Eren was still in once piece despite the fights he had got himself into.

"Please take the children!" My mom cried.

"Don't underestimate me, Carla, I'll take down the titan and save the four of you"

I clenched my fists and jaw. Save _me_. That made me feel so useless. If only I had my mobility gear with me! I was a soldier, a scout, I should be the one taking down the titans, not a Garrison guy! If I had my stuff, my falcon... Hannes could have saved mom while I took down the titan, Taka could have peaked the monster’s eyes to slow it down. If I hadn't changed clothes... If...

Suddenly, I felt a grip on my shoulder.

"Let's go!"

It was Hannes and, by the look on his face, he was as scared as me. He quickly grabbed Eren and Mikasa under his arms and started running away from our house.

"No! What are you doing!?" Eren complained.

"Jericho, let's go!"

"Richo, please, sweetie, just go" mom whispered.

Tears started streaming down my face, I couldn't control them. I panicked.

"Mom, mom. I can't. If I..."

"Go now! Take care of them, survive! I love you!"

"I'm so sorry"

I took a last look at my house, at my mom, at my life crumbling down beneath the weight of the monsters I was trained to kill, the things I was supposed to get rid of and protect humanity from, and I ran for my life after Hannes.

Behind me, the titan's steps stopped and the sound of it, searching between the debris followed.

Silence, and then, the scream.

My mom, struggling, shouting at it to let go of her, dragging all the monster's attention to herself. My heart weighed in my chest. I could have used my abilities to save my family, yet there I was, running for my life like another common citizen. I couldn't do anything for them.

Ahead of me I saw how Eren's eyes were set on something at my back.

"Eren! Eren, close your eyes, close your--"

And suddenly the screaming stopped with a snap. My ears made it sound like echo inside my brain; that noise I knew too well: the bones breaking, skin being ripped and cavities exploding in a burst of thick red blood. The mauling sounds. The tearing of muscles.

And even without looking, I knew my mom was already dead.


	3. To you, in 2000 years: The fall of Shiganshina, part 2.1

The sounds of horror were blasting everywhere around us as we ran for our lives. Wherever you looked, titan’s heads were seen towering over the houses, looking for people hiding in between the buildings and debris. That won’t work.

Titans were designed for hunting, they were just like Taka, like birds of prey or carnivore animals: they had their primal instincts, they knew where to look for their prey, for their food.

The choir of screams was unbearable. The ground was shacking with the steps of the giants, it was driving me crazy! I just wanted it to stop! All the ambient was painful, but the worst was the shocked look on Eren’s eyes, that didn’t last long. Clenching his teeth, my brother revolved against Hannes and punched him on the head with all his strength.

“Dammit, stop!”

“You son of a bitch! We could have saved her, we almost had her out!” because of the struggling we were forced to stop. Hannes tried to handle Eren, but he wasn’t able to and the kid kept hitting him, “Why did you come!? Why!?”

“I told you to stop!” Hannes growled angrily as he grabbed Eren by his arm and tossed him into the ground.

“Eren!” I shouted, running to him, “What are you doing!? Can’t you see he is scared!?”

Hannes’ face seemed to soften a little to my words. When Eren felt my presence by his side, he crawled into my arms and we hugged each other tight, my tears soaking his hair.

“It’s okay mousy, I’m here, I’m here. You can’t punch Hannes like that” Eren raised his wet face to look at me, cheeks red as embers because of the rage and the crying, “He helped us, we couldn’t have… I couldn’t—”

"No!" Both of us raised our eyes to look at Hannes. He let Mikasa on her feet and approached us with a contorted face, "I am not letting you take the blame. I lacked courage to face that titan. You're a kid, Eren, you are weak," I felt how my brother tried to escape my grip, probably to punch the soldier, but I didn't allow him. Tears started to stream down the grown up's eyes, "Your mother died because I'm a damn coward!"

"You are not a coward" I whispered, loud enough for Hannes to hear me, "my mother's death is on me today"

"What are you saying, Jericho!?" Eren cried, grabbing my shirt's collar, "I'm a soldier, Eren! A scout! If I had my gear that titan wouldn't have been a problem to me!"

"I had it and I did anything, Jericho. You can't blame yourself for that. It makes no sense"

Hannes seemed surprised by my words.

"You are not trained to kill titans" I snarled between my teeth.

"Yes, I am"

I tilted my head but didn't say anything, just looked into Eren's eyes. At least he was still alive, that was all that mattered now. I ran my fingers between his hair and hugged him again.

"I'm so sorry, Eren"

I felt how his tiny hands clenched to my shirt and his tears streamed down my neck. My chest hurt and the abyss of guilt started to crawl its way to the surface so I broke the hug before crumbling down in front of my brother, and whipped his tears away with my thumbs.

"It's okay mousy, I will protect you with my life. No matter what"

"I love you, JJ"

"I love you too" I smooched a kiss on his cheek and then stood up, with my brother in my arms, "Let's go, we are not safe yet"

* * *

 

Eren had always been a difficult child. He was so affectionate but he also had a short temper and was a little of a hothead. He got himself in fights he couldn’t win all the time and he always had to have the last word in any discussion. That explosive personality of his made it hard to believe how silent he was now, balled up in my arms, his face hidden in my neck and his hands tight around my clothes. He was so scared, and that made me realize he was still a child, no matter how defiant and mature he wanted to act. This was bigger than him, than me, than all of us.

We finally made it to the channel that connected the three walls. The Garrison soldiers were trying to organize the evacuation, trying to make people get orderly on board of the boats they fleeted, but they were having a hard time. The crowd, terrified and desperate, won’t stop pushing, screaming and losing their tempers to the person standing by their side.

“Fools” I thought to myself, “If you don’t keep it quiet the titans will eat us all”

Thanks to the authority that Hannes’ uniform gave him, he managed to let us through the mob to the dock and finally to the boat’s boarding point, but his companions stopped us right away.

“I’m sorry but this boat is already on its limit. Nobody else can get in”

Hannes tried to reply but I didn’t allow him. I had lost my patience and my calm along the way.

“Listen you moron!” I growled as I put Eren on the floor and tossed him behind me. I faced the soldier with full rage glowing in my eyes. My brother will get on that ship even if it cost me my soul, “If you don’t want to see yourself in a cell or in a martial trial facing Chief Commander Zachary, I’ll advice you to get these children on board”

The guy seemed to struggle with his own thoughts for a while, but after exchanging a gaze with his companion and taking a long look to my civilian clothes, he decided to stay his ground.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but—”

“I’m an officer from the Scouts, you stupid brat!” I shouted taking a step forward, “You do as you are commanded, soldier, or you will regret it!”

Both of the men looked at Hannes behind me and then at each other again.

“C’mon, it’s just two kids. They fit” his companion said.

“Okay. Let them on board”

“Wise choice” I snarled before turning to Eren and Mikasa, crouching in front of them, “Listen, you take care of each other. You will arrive at Trost, I’ll go find you when I’m done here”

“No! Jericho, you have to come with us!” Eren pleaded.

“I can’t. I have to help this people first, okay?” he was going to reply, but I didn’t give him the chance, “Do as I say, Eren. It’ll be okay, I promise”

“You can’t just leave me alone” he cried.

“And I won’t. I’ll go get you. Here” I took off one of my wrist’s leather straps and I placed it around one of his, “I am going to come back for this. You know I don’t like having my arms bare”

I smiled and he nodded before I pulled him to my arms. I had to hide my face on his shoulder so he won’t see me cry.

“Go now, c’mon”

I laid a kiss on his forehead and another on Mikasa’s hair before the soldiers allowed them on board. Some people complained when the boat started to move, but I couldn’t care less. I felt so relieved. A weight was lifted from my chest. I turned around and started to walk between the mob, pushing people out of my way as violently as necessary.

“Jericho, wait! Oh sir, excuse her. Jericho!” Hannes was following me, apologizing to the people I aggressively moved out of my way, “Where are you going?”

“I am gonna go do my job”

“Your job?”

I pushed an old lady that fell to the floor by the thrust but I just looked at her as I passed by and kept walking. I felt ashamed for my behavior. If it was a different situation I would have helped her on her feet, embarrassed, but now I had only one goal on my mind: kill those sons of a bitch.

“Oh, God! I’m so sorry ma’am! Jericho! Jericho! Stop it!”

“Let me be, Hannes” we finally made it to the empty space, so I started running right for the Wall Maria, where the Garrison’s headquarters were. I needed a set of mobility gear right away.

“Jericho! Dammit!”

Hannes just followed me until we arrived. I was able to hear the sound of canons on the other side of the wall as a soldier tried to stop me.

“Ma’am--”

“Move”

“I’m sorry but you are not authorized to—”

“I said move!”

Before the guy could even react, I grabbed him by his jacket’s collar and threw him aside to the floor, what gave me free passage to the interior of the military warehouse.

“Lady!”

“Let her!” I heard Hannes’ voice behind me as I started to roam the room, examining the gear, looking for the set that looked in better conditions while the two soldiers argued at the door, “She is a soldier, let her do her stuff!”

Finally, Hannes managed to convince him, and my dad’s friend walked into the store as I started to dress the straps of the mobility gear.

“You can’t treat people like that, not around here. You are a scout. You don’t have the authority over any soldier of the Garrison”

I buckled the chest strap with a _click_ and I kept dressing the rest of the equipment without looking at the man.

Lucky me, the blades were new, as the iron wire, and sharp, the hooks were still pointy enough and the gas mechanism had probably been used only a couple times.

“That’s gonna change today” I settled as I clutched my hands around the grips. I tried the buttons. They were soft and offered no resistance. Brand new.

“What are you talking about?”

“Today you are fighting as Scouts. Move”

Hannes, still shocked by my attitude, stepped aside and I headed outside to call the soldiers attention. Most of them were running around, terrified, without an idea of what to do, carrying cannon balls that were useless. They won’t work on such a close range.

“Who the hell are you?” one of them asked me with bad manners. He seemed to be the only officer around, doing a pitiful job, really.

“You all! Listen! My name is Jericho Jaeger! I’m the leader of the sixth team of the Scout Regiment, under the orders of Section Commander Dieter Ness and leaded by Regiment Commander Keith Shadis! We have to clear the district of titans to ensure the remaining people’s safe eviction!”

All soldiers exchanged a look, confused, and the officer came back to talk to me.

“I’m the one in charge here, kid, my soldiers obey me”

“Well, too bad today you are lucky enough to have someone who actually knows what she is doing around here. I’m taking the lead, now, since your orders have proven to be so pathetic” The guy raised the eyebrows, visibly offended, “The canons won’t work in such a close range and the massacre will be even bigger than already is if the titans manage to get through this door too”

The officer wavered, giving me an exhaustive look. I knew what he was thinking: that I looked too young.

“She is who she says” Hannes raised his voice behind me, “I vouch for her”

“Okay” the guy finally growled, “Everybody! Team Leader Jaeger is in charge now!”

“Nice. First thing, send a message to the Scout’s headquarters in Wall Rose. Tell them I’m here, that I need Taka, they’ll understand” the officer looked at me confused, but nodded. I just turned to the others, “And you, soldiers! Careful with the arms, be quick, don’t swing too close to their mouths or in front of them! Be attentive to sudden movements and if an abnormal shows up, avoid it! Got it!? Offer your hearts!”

All the soldiers answered my salute and followed me through the door back to Shiganshina District. First thing I saw, was the line of canons, but not a soul using their mobility gear.

“Careful with that!” I shouted as I ran past them, “We are going in!”

I shot my hooks to the nearest house and jumped into the roof in seconds. From there, I could see the big picture: there were titans everywhere, advancing towards our position. So far, they were secluded in the walled district, but what if the colossal titan showed again? Then they would invade Wall Maria.

“What do we do, Hanchō?” asked a soldier that landed by my side. I took a quick look at the rest of my team: they were barely twenty or so. I grinned my teeth: we weren’t enough, but luckily nothing I couldn’t handle to organize.

“In teams of three!” I shouted, “Be careful not to crash with each other or tangle the wires! Watch out the houses and do as I said before!”

I turned to the same soldier again and this other guy by his side. The first one looked a bit older than me, soft features and fair hair; the other was more mature, around the forties, probably. He had a piercing look and very short gray hair.

“Your names?”

“Emil Adler, Hanchō” the younger said.

“Frank Tendorf” the veteran said.

I nodded.

“You two with me”

As I said that, the titan the canons had been firing at started to move and stood up again. I always had hated those sons of a bitch capability of regeneration. I didn’t think it twice before shooting my hooks at it. The giant barely managed to get on its knees before I sliced its nape.

My sudden movement gave the soldiers a silent command and they all split up as I told them to.

My team and I quickly managed to bring down two more titans, but it didn’t take long before I heard the first screaming: on my left I saw, as I swung across a street, how a ten meters titan crushed a soldier that had passed to close to its hands. His wire got entangled on the titan’s forearm and the monster was perfectly able to catch him.

“Dammit” I cursed. I specifically told them not to do that.

I had to keep slicing titans, though. My teammates were slower than what I was used to, but at least they made a good bait for me to get the titan’s back. Still, they were good enough to be stationaries an after a while, our team kills were around the ten. Sadly, the other teams weren’t that lucky. As we approached the exterior part of Wall Maria and the wrecked zone, the titans were more numerous and the places to hook on, scarce. It required ability and the Garrison soldiers weren’t used to maneuver with the mobility gear that fast. A lot of them died, so, as I unconsciously kept advancing forward, the others were left behind.

“Hanchō!” I landed on a roof by the side of another soldier I hadn’t seen before. Emil and Frank were out of sight, “We can’t keep going! We’ve lost almost all of out soldiers, only five remain, including you!”

That information kind of brought me back to that morning’s mission. I was killing those people. I knew they weren’t ready but I tossed them into the battlefield anyway.

“Then go help the injured on the clear zones! Look for civilians!”

“And leave you alone!?”

“Soldier, we have our roles! I’m a scout, I kill titans! You are a stationary, you look after people! Let me do my job and you worry about doing yours!”

That said, I jumped again and went straight forward for another titan that had just entered the wall. I was quick, but eventually after a few more kills, I noticed my gas was starting to run out. That was a problem in my Division. We were called Falcons because we were fast, but we also had to work on the gas consumption because our quick movements usually made us waste too much. Ness usually complained to me about how much Commander Shadis scolded him for our squandering.

“Shit” I cursed as I heavy landed from a kill. I had to go back, so I started running across the roofs, only using a bit of the gas each time I had to jump from one house to the other for impulse. As I passed by, I found out the soldiers had managed to put people to safety, as the streets were completely empty, with the exception of corpses and titan bodies oozing steam.

“Have they all returned yet?” I asked, hooking on the wall, just above the portrait that represented Maria, over the inner door and the soldiers with the canons.

“Yes!” a voice shouted beneath me and a man that I recognized as Frank ran out the entrance and looked up at me, “At last the ones that are still alive! They have also brought back a bunch of injured citizens! We are getting ready to evacuate them!”

“Is Emil okay?”

“Yeah! He hurt his ankle on a landing, but he will be okay!”

I nodded, and I was about to ask for news from the interior when another flash of light blinded me and a big dense amount of smoke appeared in front of us. I stared at it, surprised, but also scared. What was with all those weird lightning?

As the smoke began to clear away, a weird titan showed up in the middle of it.

“It wasn’t there when I passed by just yet” I thought, eyes wide open staring at it. It was muscular, like the Colossal one, but with weird wood-like plates covering his body.

It stood its ground for a while and then started to prepare… to charge. In our direction. I immediately looked down. He was going to bring down the door! As the other had done before!

“Move!” I shouted to the soldiers beneath me, “Move now, forget the canons! It’s an abnormal! Get out of the way!”

A couple of them hesitated, other three ran for their lives, but they won’t get to safety in time. I had to help them, so I launched my hooks and started swinging myself into the abnormal’s direction. But of course, I was short on gas, and something went wrong. I should’ve listened to my own advice: if an abnormal shows up, avoid it.

My speed wasn’t enough this time and, as the titan seemed to have intelligence, as I jumped by its side it grabbed my wires with one hand and with a rotation of its wrist, caught me with the other. With the lack of movement I had due to the state of my gear, there was no way I could have avoided that.

I struggled a bit, trying to get my arms free so I could use my blades, but as it started to squeeze me in a deadly grip, I panicked and started crying. I won’t be able to fulfill my promise to Eren, I was going to be responsible for the loss of his mother and sister today.

“Let me go! Let me go, you stupid monster! I’ll kill you!”

It clenched its fist a bit more and I felt how my bones cracked and how air abandoned my lungs. It was oppressive, painful, I just wanted it to be quick.

“Please, just… please I don’t wanna suffer” I managed to whisper, as it would understand. For a second I had the impression that the grip turned a little loose, but a screech made my heart pound and my attention switch places.

“Taka!”

And as fast as wind, my falcon dove from the sky right into the titan’s eyes, as she was trained to do. I guess it wasn’t expecting a bird to attack, because the titan started moving and waving and its fist opened enough for me to slip between its fingers and use my hooks to get me to a house nearby. But it wasn’t going to end that way, I couldn’t allow it to get out alive so, as the titan kept struggling with Taka I jumped again, screaming, furious, spinning over my body and attacked the titan’s weak spot with my blades.

Never a sound surprised me or scared me more. Not even back that day when I heard my mom die.

A metal shatter, smithereens of steel flying all around me. The blades were completely broken, destroyed because of those shields covering the titan’s flesh.

My shock allowed it to turn around and slap me, making my body fly across a roof. I finally stopped with a thud against a chimney, completely wrapped in my wire and with some cuts because of the lose pieces of the blades and the iron cord’s friction against my flesh.

Taka quickly retreated and the giant started to prepare to charge again.

“It attacks animals” I whispered, out of myself, “None of them does… Is it… Intelligent?”

My eyes went wide open as I saw the titan charge the door.

“Look out!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, even though I knew nobody could hear me from that distance.

And then, the earth shook again and another hole was opened in the Wall Maria as I watched.


	4. To you, in 2000 years. The fall of Shiganshina, part 2.2

I laid on that roof for a while, watching as the dust cleared the perfect pathway the Armored Titan had just opened for the other giant monsters, leading right to the core of the first of the three walls that were supposed to protect humanity from them.

I was completely lost on the sight until Taka landed on top of the chimney I had crashed on and screeched on my ear so loud I thought I would go deaf. Still, it was a good way of making me realize I was pretty bad injured.

The blood was dripping from my body into the tiles under me, running down to the streets below like a crimson waterfall and my white shirt was completely soaked in red. If it wasn’t because of the adrenaline I had pumping up and down my system, the pain would have been excruciating, so I needed to get on the move right away, not only to see what had happened to the civilians we rescued and the stationary troops, but to look for help for myself.

  
First, I needed to get disentangled. That was painful and agonic, as I slowly had to pull out the steel smithereens and the iron wire out of my open flesh. When I finished, I felt like I was going to pass out.

  
As I slowly tried to stand on my feet, Taka started screeching again, took flight and went up in the sky, circling over my position as I had her trained to do when I was injured. I smiled. I loved my falcon and her good intentions, but I didn’t honestly think nobody will show up to help me in that moment.

  
On my back I was able to hear the approaching footsteps of the titans entering Shiganshina through the hole in the south wall, a reminder that I had to hurry, get a horse or whatever and flee to wall Rose. To find Eren, who was my first priority now.

  
Lucky me, I was like three blocks away from the place where the door to the interior used to be, so I used my remaining gas to land safely on the street, with the consequential blast of pain shaking my body, and I started to head as quick as I could towards the hole.It hurt to move, as some of my gear’s leather straps had cut through my flesh as well, but I managed to make it even before I thought I would be able to. 

To my surprise, when I peeked through the collapsed door, there was no titan on sight and thick-headed as I was feeling, I managed to distinguish some human voices on the other side that encouraged me to walk faster, through the pain and reach them by the time I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open and my legs steady.

  
“Jericho! Oh my God! You are still alive!”

  
My vision was a bit blurry, but I was still able to recognize Hannes’ voice and feel his grip around my forearm while he held me standing on my feet.

  
“You’re hurt…” he whispered, scared, and no wonder he was. I had been leaving a trail of red behind my steps.

  
“I’m… fine…” I said softly, “I just had a bad landing”

  
“A bad landing? Kid, you are a walking blood clot. Sit down, and somebody go get a horse or something! We have to send her to see a doctor immediately!”

  
“I’m fine, Hannes, I’m just a bit… beaten up”

  
I fought with him to stand on my feet on my own and I managed to do so, even though I don’t quite remember how.

  
“Don’t be so stubborn, child"

  
I waved my hand in front of his face, dismissing his words and concern. Still, I was having a bad time even to breath, and I could feel the blood tickling on my skin, running down like streams of life abandoning my body.

  
“What happened with the… with the titan? Where are the civilians? The soldiers…”

  
“We had them sent away before that crazy bastard pierced through the wall, they—”

  
All of the sudden, he was interrupted by Taka, that came down, diving from the sky, took a few flights around me, screeching, and then rose again, higher than the wall, until she was nothing but a black spot against the blue dome.

  
“What the fuck is wrong with that bird?” a soldier growled angrily, but I ignored him and turned my back to the green plain ahead of us. Even though my vision was compromised, I was able to see a cloud of dust rising in the middle of it that made me smile.

  
“You okay, kiddo?” Hannes asked, as I was, apparently, ignoring a question he just made.

  
“My squad has found me” I sighed, relieved.

  
And they had indeed. As whatever it was that was raising that dust came closer, we were able to hear the sound of the horses’ hooves thundering against the ground, and we soon saw the riders more clearly: The Scout Regiment.

  
It was only a small part of the second squad, as everybody else had been dismissed, so Section Commander Erwin Smith and one of his team leaders, number two I quickly knew as I spotted Mike Zacharias by his side, where the only ones remaining in the headquarters.

  
“Jaeger!” Erwin shouted as soon as he caught a glimpse of me, jumping of his horse and running towards me, closely followed by Mike, “Oh, God, what happened to you?”

  
His presence was like a balm to my pain and, as I felt his presence by my side, I collapsed in his arms.

  
“Jericho!”

  
“I… had a bad landing” I jokingly said, but I was clearly looking like if I had been puked out by a titan, “We have to get out of here… more are—”

  
“It’s okay, you are our priority”

  
“You stink like titan” Mike said, dead serious. I clenched my jaw and cursed internally. Damn him and his bloodhound sense of smell.

  
“One of them threw me across a roof. I got tangled in the wire… That… thing, that pierced through the wall. I was running low on gas… It took me by surprise”

  
“It took _you_ by surprise?” Erwin asked raising his eyebrows in disbelief.

  
“I attacked it but… my blades. Its skin broke them to… pieces”

  
And I blacked out.

* * *

When I woke up the pain had been reduced to a throbbing sensation on my wounds, but the dizziness due to the blood loss was still present, making my head spin and feel like if I had been hanging upside down for too long.   
I tried to stand up on my elbows, but a strong voice stopped me short.

  
“Slowly. You really have had a pretty bad landing”

I raised my eyes to find Erwin looking down at me with a smirk and his right hand a few inches from my chest. I smiled back, or I tried. I wasn’t feeling in the mood.

Now that the physical pain was gone, the guilt and every feeling I had bottled up, flooded my conscience and hit me like a cart. My first thought was Eren.

“How much time have I been... unconscious?”

“All night. Is already morning”

“Noon, actually” a deep voice replied behind the Section Commander and, when he turned, I was able to see Captain Levi standing there, with his usual emotionless expression and staring at me with dead eyes. He was said to be the best soldier of all, “humanity’s strongest” they called him; but he was just a guy with a bad temper that didn’t care about anything, or so it looked. That was one of the reasons why I didn’t actually dig him: I cared about my men and about others that weren’t on my squad too. He just walked by, avoiding looking at people in the eye, spitting orders in a bitter way, barely relating himself with any other soldiers than the Regiment Commander and the Section Commanders, of which, for some reason I didn’t quite grasp, he had a preference for Erwin.

“It’s late” I mumbled, ignoring his callous glance.

“You are home. What is late for?” Erwin asked, sitting straight again and blocking the view of Levi, breaking our uncomfortable eye contact.

“My brother. I sent him in one of the ships that were fleeted to evacuate Wall Maria. I promised I’d find him when I were done with the titans” I rubbed my forehead with the tip of my fingers, “He must think I’m dead”

“Don’t worry” Erwin took my hand and smiled fondly, “We will send somebody to look for him”

“No. You don’t know Eren. He won’t just take your word; besides, it has to be me. I promised”

“Don’t be stubborn, kid” Levi said abruptly, “Besides, you have stuff to do here. Your brother is safe, I guess, so he can wait”

“No” I stood a bit up to face him, with the consequential pain shock that ran up and down every single muscle fiber of my body, “ _You_ can wait. Eren is all I have left, so you’re welcome to try and stop me”

“Like it would be hard to do so”

“Enough you two! Jericho, listen, you have to go do some... paperwork. Your outstanding and quick reaction, as well as your impeccable line of commanding have earned you a promotion to Senior Team Leader. You will be only under the Regiment Commander's orders and you’ll see to the trainings, assignments, the moral of the Scouts and make sure that the Commander’s orders are followed. You have authority over all the other Team Leaders, not over the Section Commanders though”

  
I heard every single word coming from my friend’s lips with an astounded look on my face. When he was done, I frowned my eyebrows and shook my head in disbelief and denial.

“No, I won’t take it"

I heard Levi sigh, but I decided to ignore his insolent behavior.

“What? Why not? You deserve it!”

“I don’t! I won’t take a favoring for killing my mom! I don’t want it!”

“You didn’t--” he tried to reach for my hand again but I slapped him away and curled up with my back against the wall. Soon, the warm tears started to stream down my face.  
I noticed how Erwin exchanged a concerned look with Levi, but the Captain just shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“I felt so damn useless” I said after a while, “I was scared, terrified. My full body was paralyzed the moment I saw the titans break inside de district, killing people, devouring them. The screams. They were unbearable. If it wasn’t because I felt the need to look for Eren I would’ve been smashed by the mob. And then I saw my mom die. A titan ate her, in front of my eyes it sliced her in a half with a bite. It was a single titan! If only I had my gear it would’ve been so easy to just... bring it down; run away with my family and get them so safety” I raised my eyes to look at Erwin. I could see the surprise in his face, “I was no hero. I wasn’t even able to save the woman that gave me my life. All I did after putting Eren in that boat was out of rage and blind desire for revenge, nothing else”

“Can you stop playing the victim?” Levi’s cold words cut through the room like ice daggers, cruel and accusatory, “You are a soldier, man up. Casualties are something you have to get used to. You didn’t have your gear? Too bad, you can’t change that now and that you were shaking on your boots, or that you wanted revenge or whatever doesn’t change the fact that you, alone, took the lead of a bunch of unexperienced stationaries and killed all those titans that came in through the hole in the wall. You earned it and nobody cares about your fucking reasons to do so”

“What kind of person are you?” I spat, angry, leaning forward with a threatening look on my face, “I know I can’t change anything, but that doesn’t mean I am not able to realize the stuff I did wrong”

“I’m the kind of person that knows that sacrifice its needed in some situations”

“Fuck off!” I shouted.

Behind Levi, Taka, who was resting on her pedestal, flapped her wings nervously and screeched, feel how my mood had changed. The Captain turned quickly around, startled by the falcon’s reaction, but his hard eyes were back on me right after.

“Jericho” Erwin warned me.

I was overstepping, that kind of behavior could take a disciplinary action against me, but I was so blinded by rage –and maybe by the meds too- that I couldn’t care less. He was advising me to just take my mom’s as another casualty. To ignore what happened and just accept a damn medal I didn’t deserve at all.

“I would be dead if it wasn’t for so many people! A stationary, my own ten-year-old brother, the soldiers... That bird over there attacked the Armored Titan when it was about to crush me between his fingers like a fucking nut! I didn’t do anything extraordinary! I could’ve saved a lot of people if only I had my gear, but instead I just panicked and then leaded a bunch of stationaries to death because I was too riled up to think straight and realize that they have never faced a titan directly in their sorry lives! All those deaths are on me! On me! And I don’t want some title that would remind me of them every fucking day!”

  
Without me even realizing I was crying again, kneeling on the mattress, staring with a deadly glare at the Captain. I had moved to the edge of the bed as I spoke so Erwin was pinning over me, his right arm crossed over my chest like trying to prevent me from falling off, even though it was clearly positioned to catch me in case I decided Levi’s face could make a good punching bag. Not like I could do him much damage in my current condition, but one thing was shouting at an officer, and other was attacking him.

“Tch” he scoffed, visibly irritated, his only other mood besides _I don’t give a damn about what you’re telling me_ ; and turned around to leave the room, “Whatever. You can either help take back Wall Maria as Senior Team Leader, or stay here and cry like a child for the dead”

“Cry like a child?” I tried to get on my feet but Erwin pushed me gently back to the bed, “What do you know, ah!? You don’t give a shit about anybody, you don’t even have friends! How can you try and lecture me about how I have to feel for the loss of someone dear!? You’re just a heartless son of a bitch uncapable of love!”

“Jericho, that’s enough!” Erwin grabbed my cheek and made me turn my head to look at him. When I broke eye contact with Levi, my rage seemed to settle a bit and all the sadness came back rushing, as I heard Levi leave the room slamming the door.

  
“Now that was mean. I get that you’re upset, but he is still a superior. You can’t talk to him like that”

“I’m so sorry Erwin. It’s just...”

I wasn’t able to explain myself. A tight knot settled on my throat and didn’t let my words come out.

“I know, come here, calm down”

The soldier leaned over me and pulled me gently to his chest where I broke down and started to cry, bitterly, clenched to his uniform. Now I wasn’t only feeling terrible for the loss, but was feeling like a horrible person for saying those things to Levi.

  
We stood there, in silence for at least ten minutes straight, until Erwin felt I was better and pushed me back a little bit, looking me in the eyes with a solemn expression on his face.

“Listen, I’m aware that you don’t want that rank promotion, but I truly believe that there’s no one better for the job. Being Senior Team Leader means taking care of the soldiers and always tend to and help them. You already do that now, and sooner or later they would give you that raise. This was just the perfect excuse to do it now”

  
“Sooner or later?” I scoffed and then sniffled, “Don’t try to fool me, Smith. They only give that rank to veteran soldiers. I’m eighteen. Does that sound skilled at all? Because for the look the Garrison officer in charge back at Wall Maria gave me, it doesn’t”

  
“Well, it’s not like in our Regiment people gets to live until they’re that old”

I twisted my lips. It was true. If you saw all the Regiments reunited, you will think that the Scouts were all naïve cadets with no experience at all on what they were doing, but most of those children that didn’t look older than the twenties, had seen the cruelty of war so close and so many times, that their memories would make one of those old dogs from the Stationaries or the Military Police wet their pants.

It was sad, indeed, but most of the recruits didn’t make it past their first expedition, and the older officers like Erwin or Levi, were respected and looked up to. Their survival meant skill, and we all aspired to be like them, to keep living through all that horror. To see the dawn of a new day.

“It’s not that I don’t find the job appealing. It’s that I don’t think I earned it yesterday”

“Then don’t take it for yesterday. Take it because you deserve it, because you like it. You are going to be able to help the new recruits, guide the soldiers and support them, as you always do. Think about how many of them are lost and terrified before the expeditions. You can instigate valor in their hearts, and you know that can make a difference out there”

I fell silent for a while, and finally, I made up my mind.

“Fine” I growled furrowing my brows. Erwin smiled.

“I knew you would make it right. And go and apologize to Levi. He may look like he doesn’t care, but he is human just like all of us”

“I hate you” I said, crossing my arms and my legs over the bed. Erwin looked at me with the ghost of a pout on his lips and I couldn’t help but to let out a chuckle to the sight, “Okay, no, I don’t hate you but if he chokes me to death or skins me alive, you are to blame”

Erwin stood up with a crooked grin from where he was crouching on the floor to walk to my closet to pick up a clean uniform that he laid on the bed, right next to me, so I could get properly dressed before going to speak to the high ranks of the Scouts and take my new job, with the responsibility it implied.

He was a Section Commander, an important link of the military chain too, but, since we were friends, I didn’t really need to hide myself from him.

“Levi is not a demon, you know?”

“You sure?” I scoffed, crawling to the edge of the bed to take off my pajama pants, “Sometimes he makes me think that, if he ever laid a foot on a church, he would combust to dust in seconds”

Erwin tried to be polite and repress a chuckle, but, even though he apparently succeeded, his eyes smiled.

“I’m not going to deny that the boy is special”

“Is that your way of saying he is crazy?” I raised an eyebrow as I stood up and moved my hips to accommodate my white jeans.

“Well, he is in the Scouts. We are all mad here”

“Some more than others”

As I said before, my bond with Erwin was deep. We had been friends for so long not even ourselves could remember when we started treating each other like siblings, so I didn’t ask him to leave or turn around as I took off my shirt, showing my naked body to him, or at least, the flesh that wasn’t covered by bloody bandages. My every move to put on my shirt and jacket hurt, bending over myself to put on the boots almost made tears come to my eyes but, the worst of it all, were the leather straps of the mobility gear. They all touched the right spots and made me twist in pain every time I took a step.

“If you want to don’t have to wear it” Erwin said, visibly worried by my unpleasant grimace.

“Are you joking? Haven’t you heard all the stuff I just said? All that happened because I didn’t have my gear on me? I’m not taking it off anytime soon”

I shook him off of me and went to buckle my black leather choker, that was on my nightstand, around my neck, as well as one of my bracelets. The other one I was hoping to find around Eren’s pulsating wrist in a few hours.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way but, I’m afraid you will have to give your body a rest of the gear every once in a while if you want those wounds to heal properly”

I growled under my breath. Erwin was right and I hated to admit it.

“Says who?”

And then Smith’s lips twisted in a wolfish, proud grin.

“Your new Commander”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed your reading follow me on Tumblr: @guillotinedangel and @falconwingssnk


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